I Got Absolutely Humbled Outside The Office

I walked off the train today at the 28th street stop and turned right like In always do to walk the 50 feet to the office. Upon turning right I noticed two attractive women standing in front of the front door. One about 28-30, another 40-45. The younger one (the more attractive of the two) starts eyeing me up, points and whispering to the older one. Now in my younger days maybe I would have been eyed up, especially when I was dancing and romancing down the shore. But now I'm one … long out of the game and second- know where I stand. It's been a while since I've gotten eyes. I'm old … washed up, and put on a few lbs over the years (even though I've recently lost lbs). I knew right away something was up. This girl wasn't looking to say how big a fan she was she had different motives. At my age, I would have been less suspicious if the 45 year old was making eyes instead of the 28 year old … that's just where we are at being 36 and out the game. 

Anyway, just as I opened the door the younger says "hey can we give you a gift?" I was like "ehhhh" and she cuts me off " I promise it's not weird and hands me a bag." The older one says "We custom made all these bags with shaving cream etc now that your all in the office more." 

I said "Thanks" and went to move on. Then I noticed something and stopped in my tracks. 

I said "wait a second … you said you made them. custom for everyone who works here. Mine has a generic BS on it. You don't know my name." 

I said this because I caught a glimpse behind them as I went to turn in. 

I looked in their hands and sure enough … every bag except the one I was holding was custom made with a name. 

The young girl kind of sheepishly smiled and just laughed. The older lady said "No no what's your name we'll name you one… we'll make you one." I replied "No it's ok, not famous enough you didn't know who I was it's all good " and laughed my way into the office.

For the record all the names on those bags make sense, day 1 guys, mega star girls….  they are billboard names, every fan should know their names . Absolutely zero problems with the names on the bags. It was when I got upstairs that I really had an issue, as it turns out … the BS they said stood for Barstool on my bag was actually Bullshit. 

I start telling the story to some people in the office at which point Nick goes "You know Tommy got one right? " 

Tommy got one? Cmon man … I'm losing to nerds? Jesus Christ … how far have I fallen? Where are we in the world that I am below Tommy in anything. Tommy used to write blogs recapping my feuds, now i'm behind him in line for giveaways? My God. I better get back in the gym and refine my skills during football season. Use this shit as motivation. I thought it couldn't get any worse. Then I sat back down in my chair to write this blog and noticed this. 

KLEMMER ?!! KLEMMER ??!!! KLEMMER ???!!! 

Jesus H Christ folks … are these girls blind or are they skells? You cannot make a list and have custom bags and have Klemmer ahead of me. Pick Em is going on Season 11 for goodness sake. What are we doing here? The monkey boy?!1?!!!? Not even monkey boy … his assistant??!!!!! 

We say it every year but the squeeze out is real folks. Now more than ever I need people behind me. I'm at my lowest ever … behind Klemmer ?!!! KLEMMER !?!??!

Go buy shirts (20% off sitewide) and listen to Picks Central, the newest episode of the Mark Titus Show… I need all the help i can get.